For professionals working with rangatahi

Approach a conversation with curiosity, rather than assumptions. This way you can gain insight of a young person’s knowledge and perspective on a topic.

Use open ended questions, like:

• What do you think about this?
• That’s an interesting view – can you tell me more about that?

Young people are learning. Be patient and understanding. Respect their feelings, emotions, and views – even if you don’t agree with them.

Be mindful of how you show empathy, care, and support through your body language and the tone of your voice.

Listen without judgement and don't criticise. Try not to suggest solutions straight away to jump to conclusions.

Young people are on their own journey and every journey is different. You may not agree with all or part of it, but it's important to support the them as they progress. This can help build trust and connection.

Talk about sexual wellbeing topics in a positive way. Give young people the space to explore, learn about, and express their sexuality and sexual wellbeing without fear or judgement. 

For example, if a young person under the age of 16 expresses interest in having sex, approach this from a positive angle by talking about safer sex, rather than fear-based messaging around breaking the law.

Have conversations that build knowledge and skills, and explore attitudes. This means:

• giving correct, objective information
• teaching skills to help young people take care of their sexual wellbeing
• encouraging young people to reflect on their values and attitudes

This helps give young people all the information they need to make informed and healthy choices. 

For example, if we consider the topic of consent, this could look like:

• Knowledge: explaining what consent is, that it's freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.
• Attitudes: exploring attitudes to consent, and explaining that consent is important every time someone has sex.
• Skills: teaching young people how to communicate assertively and how to actively listen.

Instead of one big “talk” or lesson, keep them short, ongoing, and simple. This helps to normalise conversations about all aspects of sexual wellbeing.

There are lots of ways to start conversations with young people. You could:

• ask for their perspective on a social media trend
• ask what they think of a storyline on a TV programme
• talk about celebrity culture and relationships
• share something you’ve recently learnt about sexual wellbeing and ask for their take on it

Consider the young person’s age and stage when talking about sexual wellbeing. Don’t assume what they know, or want to know – or what their views are based on their identity (e.g. gender, sexual identity, religion, or culture).

Try to be responsive – what’s top of mind for the young people you
work with? Is it consent, relationships, sex and alcohol, or something else?

Share accurate, factual, objective information. Avoid sharing subjective information based on your values or opinions – or anecdoctal information, i.e.  “what you’ve heard” – as this can unintentionally influence young people’s decision-making.

If you don’t know – that’s ok. Find out from credible and reliable sources – or build the young person's skills by looking for the information together.

Download the tips for talking handout (PDF) to help guide your conversations with young people about sexual wellbeing.

Talking to young people is a video series designed for adults supporting young people, including parents and whānau, teachers, other professionals and community workers. The five videos cover condoms, consent, porn, relationships, and safer sex.

Watch the following video and download the guide for using this video (PDF).

Watch the following video and download the guide to using this video (PDF).

Watch the following video and download the guide to using this video (PDF).

Watch the following video and download the guide to using this video (PDF).

Watch the following video and download the guide to using this video (PDF).

The following video busts myths about how pregnancy happens. It's designed to be used by adults supporting young people and comes with a facilitators' guide (PDF).

This is a video series designed to help intellectually disabled young people learn about and understand consent, private spaces, and relationship changes during puberty.

This video looks at what relationships and feelings can change during puberty – and how they can change. You'll also learn what you can do about these changes and your feelings, including tools for coping.

Download the guide to using this video (PDF)

This video talks about touching and private places and spaces. You'll learn about how different spaces can have different rules, and about what you can do if you feel uncomfortable.

Download the guide to using this video (PDF)

This video explains what consent is. You'll learn that it's ok to say no, why it's important to keep checking in, and why it's so important to listen.

Download the guide to using this video (PDF)