Gender

When a baby is born, you’ll often hear people asking if the baby is a girl or a boy. If the baby has a penis, people will say that the baby is a boy. If the baby has a vagina, people will say that the baby is a girl. This is super common, but it’s not very accurate.

This kind of conversation doesn’t acknowledge that there are more than two genders — or that babies are unable to understand or express their own gender.

The truth is: you can’t really know the gender of a baby. Gender is something that people grow into. There are lots of parts of a person’s personality that develop as they grow. Gender is just one of those parts. Like many things about a person, gender can change many times over the course of a lifetime — or stay the same.

People often have to manage two understandings of their gender. These two understandings are:

1. What other people tell them about their gender
2. What they personally know or feel about their gender

If these two understandings are not aligned, then it’s very likely that a person is trans, or gender diverse. If these two understandings are in agreement, then it’s very likely that a person is cis.

Trans people, and gender diverse people, are people who disagree with what other people have told them about their gender.

Cis people are people who agree with what other people have told them about their gender.

The gender binary is the belief that there are only two genders: man or woman. This belief is used to control the behaviour of men and women, and to keep men and women separate.

The gender binary has very strict ideas about how men and women should behave, the way their bodies should look, the things that they are capable of, and the things that they should believe and want. For example: you might have heard people say that women are more emotional, and men are more rational. This is one of the myths created by belief in the gender binary.

The truth is: the gender binary doesn’t accurately describe the way many people experience gender — as something expansive, diverse, and optional.

It doesn’t matter if you are cis or trans, you can still feel that the gender binary doesn’t describe you — or that you want to live and express yourself outside of the gender binary.

Some people say that the gender binary is traditional — and that that means it’s correct. The truth is: the gender binary is not traditional in many cultures.

In Te Ao Māori, takatāpui is an umbrella term that describes and celebrates gender diversity and queer sexualities. Pākehā settlers in Aotearoa were surprised when they realised that Māori did not punish people that had queer romance, sex, or genders. It wasn’t until the British legal system was imposed in Aotearoa in 1858, that sexism, homophobia, and transphobia became more common.

To learn more about takatāpui, check out: Takatāpui: Part of the Whānau

In traditional cultures across the Pacific, it is common to recognise more than two genders. In Indigenous cultures across the world, people often understand more than two genders. 

Trans and gender diverse people are beautiful, natural, and important. Trans people have always existed, in every culture, in every part of the world. Trans whānau are taonga. The world is a better place with you in it.

If you are living in a household, or going to a school, where it’s not safe for people to know that you are trans – or if you just need some extra help working things out – there are several organisations that are dedicated to helping trans rangatahi.

For more information, or support, check out: 

• Our guidance on contraception options for trans and non-binary people

• InsideOUT 

• Gender Minorities Aotearoa  

• Outline 

• Takatāpui | A resource hub 

The best way to support trans people is to treat us like anybody else. Be respectful and mind your own business! Don’t assume you can know somebody’s gender or pronouns just by looking at them. Don’t ask questions about people’s bodies or medical history — it’s rude.

If you have a trans or gender diverse child, it’s really important that you listen to them. Support your child to dress and act in a way that makes them feel happy about themselves. Use the pronouns and names that your child asks you to use.  

If you want more information about supporting your child, check out this resource from Gender Minorities Aotearoa: Help! Is my child transgender?

It’s a good idea to talk to a specialist in gender affirming care as soon as possible. A specialist can help you and your child work out if any medical support will be needed when puberty begins. Seeing a specialist early helps you prepare for what's coming, helps you understand what you can do about it, and means you don't miss important opportunities — helping you and your child avoid regret and distress.

To learn more about trans and gender diverse people and issues, check out: Gender Minorities Aotearoa

Many trans and gender diverse people want and need gender affirming healthcare. Our doctors can refer trans patients to an endocrinologist for gender affirming hormone treatment.

Many regular doctors can provide informed consent gender affirming hormone treatment. This can often be faster, less invasive or upsetting, and easier than seeking a referral.

Check out Gender Minorities Aotearoa for guidance on accessing gender affirming healthcare.

You might also like to find out about contraception options for trans and gender diverse people.