Gender

People often get gender and sex confused. Gender is about how you see yourself, while sex is about your biological sexual characteristics.

When someone is born, they are usually recorded as being “male” or “female” based on what their external genitals look like. For example, if they have a penis, their sex is recorded as male, and if they have a vagina, their sex is recorded as female. If someone is born with characteristics that don’t match the traditional definition of male or female, their sex may be recorded as intersex. For intersex babies, adults may choose a gender for the baby or they may wait until the baby is old enough to explore their own gender themselves.

Traditionally, in Western society, parents raise babies to match the recorded sex with its “matching” gender. But this approach doesn’t acknowledge that there are many different genders, and that often a person’s gender doesn’t match their recorded sex.  

Plus, gender is something that people grow into. There are lots of parts of a person’s personality that develop as they grow. Gender is just one of those parts. Like many things about a person, gender can change many times over the course of a lifetime – or stay the same. 

Read more about sex or sexual orientation. 

Cisgender means that your gender matches the sex recorded at your birth. For example, if your sex was recorded as male at birth, and you see your own gender as a boy, your sex matches your gender, so you’re cisgender.

Transgender means that your gender doesn’t match the sex recorded at your birth. For example, if your sex was recorded as male at birth, and you see your own gender as a girl, you may identify as transgender because the sex recorded at your birth doesn’t match your gender identity. 

Non-binary means that you don’t see yourself as only a boy/man or only a girl/woman. You might feel like your identity involves being both a man and a woman, or that it is neither, it is in between, or is something else entirely.

Takatāpui is a Māori umbrella term that describes and celebrates gender diversity and queer sexualities. It’s like “rainbow” but is used for Māori members of the community. You can use it refer to one person or a group of people, i.e. the “rainbow community.”

To learn more about some these terms and others related to gender, check out the Gender Minorities Aotearoa Trans Glossary: 101. 

Gender expression is the ways people choose to show their gender identity. Expressing gender is important to some people, and not to others.  

People express gender in different ways, such as through hairstyles, hair removal or growth, clothing and accessories, scent, voice, body shape, mannerisms, and behaviours. People might also choose to express their gender through medical procedures, interventions or surgeries, such as breast implants or hormone replacement therapy. Learn more about gender affirming care. 

There are lots of stereotypes and myths out there relating to gender and gender expression. These are assumptions about what people "should" look like, how they should behave, and what they should do based on their gender identity. Some examples include the idea that men and boys shouldn’t show emotion, that only women and girls should wear skirts and dresses, and that there are particular jobs that only men or women should do.   

People can choose how they express their gender, and it doesn’t have to “match” their gender identity. For example, someone who sees their own gender as a man may choose to wear dresses and make-up. This doesn’t have to mean that they see themselves as transgender or a woman (for example), it just means that they are expressing their gender.  

Stereotypes and assumptions about gender and gender expression can be harmful. Many people choose not to follow these “rules” and instead choose to express their gender in a way that feels good to them. In Aotearoa, there are laws in place to protect people against discrimination based on their gender identity and expression, as well as other things, like age, disability, race, and sexual orientation. Everyone has a right to define their own gender and express it however they choose to. 

In traditional cultures across the Pacific – and many indigenous cultures across the world – it's common to recognise more than two genders. In Te Ao Māori, takatāpui is an umbrella term that describes and celebrates gender diversity and queer sexualities. When Pākehā settlers arrived in Aotearoa they learned that Māori didn’t punish people that had queer romance, sex, or genders.

To learn more about takatāpui, check out Takatāpui: Part of the Whānau.

Pronouns are words you use to talk about someone when you’re not using their name.  

• English pronouns: I, she, he, they, we, ze 
• Te Reo Māori pronoun: ia 

Pronouns can help people of all genders feel seen, validated, and understood in their gender.

Misgendering happens when someone uses the wrong pronouns to describe another person’s gender. For example, someone may call a person a “girl” or “she” based on the way they look without knowing the gender they identify with. This can make the misgendered person feel uncomfortable or even unsafe. Because of this, it’s important not to assume someone’s gender based on how they look, how they behave, or what they do.

To avoid misgendering you can: 

• use gender-neutral terms like "they"
• call people by their name 
• ask people how they’d like to be referred to 

If you misgender someone by accident, you can correct yourself quickly and move on. You can acknowledge the mistake without making a big deal out of it so you don’t embarrass the person you misgendered.   

At Sexual Wellbeing Aotearoa, we welcome people of all genders, sexes, and sexualities. We are run by, and for, queer and straight people. Our clinics are the place to come to for affordable, confidential, non-judgemental sexual and reproductive health care. There are no silly questions when it comes to talking to us. Our clinicians and Community Health Promoters are happy to kōrero with you about even the trickiest topics.

Book an appointment with us to discuss contraception, STI testing and treatment, cervical screening, pregnancy testing and options, period problems, and more. Browse our services.

Many trans and gender diverse people want gender affirming healthcare. This is treatment to change your physical appearance and/or sex characteristics.

Our doctors can discuss options for referral based on services available locally, which may include endocrinology. Some GPs can provide informed consent gender affirming hormone treatment, which can often be faster, less invasive or upsetting, and easier than getting a referral. 

Check out Gender Minorities Aotearoa for information on how to access gender affirming healthcare.