Sexual orientation – or sexuality

You don’t need to be in a relationship to know your sexual orientation. And your sexual orientation doesn’t decide who you choose to have sex or sexual contact with. For example, a person may see themselves as straight or heterosexual, but occasionally may have sex with someone of the same sex as them.

This doesn’t have to mean that they identify as gay, homosexual, or bisexual – it is up to them to decide how they identify or whether or not they even want to put a label on their sexual orientation. 

Words can mean different things to different people, and the meanings of words can change over time. This means that people use a range of different terms to describe their sexuality. Sexual orientation can also be quite personal, and some people might choose not to put a label on their sexuality. 
 
We’ve included a list of some common terms about sexuality below. InsideOUT has more information about different terms related to sexuality.

• Asexual: someone who doesn’t experience any, or not very much, sexual attraction or desire for sex.
• Bisexual: attracted to people of more than one sex or gender.
• Gay: someone who’s attracted to the same gender as themselves. Gay is also used by some as an umbrella term to encompass diverse sexualities.
• Heterosexual, straight: someone who’s only attracted to people of a different gender.
• Homosexual: someone who’s only attracted to people of the same gender.  
• Lesbian: a woman who is attracted to other women.
• LGBTQIA+: this stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, and more diverse sexualities, genders, and sex characteristics.
• Queer: historically used as a negative word. But now it’s been reclaimed and is often used to talk about diverse sexualities and genders.
• Rainbow: an umbrella term used to refer to all members of LGBTQIA+ communities. 

It’s important to use inclusive language and not to assume someone’s sexual orientation based on their gender, how they look, how they behave, or what they do. For example, if you don’t know how someone refers to the person they are in a relationship with, using the term “partner”, rather than “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” could make them feel more comfortable. And remember that sexuality is quite personal, and some people won’t want to discuss it. 

At Sexual Wellbeing Aotearoa, we welcome people of all genders, sexes, and sexualities. We are run by, and for, queer and straight people. Our clinics are the place to come to for affordable, confidential, non-judgemental sexual and reproductive health care. There are no silly questions when it comes to talking to us. Our clinicians and Community Health Promoters are happy to kōrero with you about even the trickiest topics.

You might like to read our guidance on contraception options for trans and non-binary people.

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