Relationships

Some relationships are stronger, closer, and deeper than others. Some relationships are romantic or sexual, and others aren’t. Relationships often change over time. They might strengthen, or they might end or fade out.

Some relationships you choose, like your friends or partners. Others you’re born into, or are chosen for you, like your parents and whānau. 

Professional relationships, like with your teacher, doctor – or colleagues if you work – are different to relationships with your friends and whānau. There are different boundaries, and you behave differently with people like your teachers, than you do with your friends and whānau.

All relationships should be healthy and safe – no matter who they are with.

A romantic relationship is when you and another person have romantic feelings for each other. You may also be physically or sexually attracted to each other.

Some people never have romantic relationships and never want to, and that’s ok. Others have lots of relationships, and that’s also ok.  

You might learn about romantic relationships from watching friends and family, from social media and TV, or from talking about relationships at school. This can include what a relationship should be like, how you should be treated in a relationship, and how you treat your partners. Relationships are a normal and natural part of growing up and exploring your sexuality and identity. It is a good idea to think about what’s important to you in a romantic relationship – how you want to be treated and how you would treat a romantic partner. 

Everyone has the right to safe and healthy relationships. A healthy relationship is when you feel safe, supported, and free to be yourself. All types of relationships should be healthy, including romantic, sexual, friendships, family relationships – and relationships with people that help you, like doctors, teachers, carers, and other professionals.

Friendships, romantic and/or sexual relationships, should be equal. In these relationships, the other person should:  

• make you feel good about yourself
• support you do things that make you feel happy
• encourage healthy relationships with your other friends and whānau
• support you to make your own choices 

Sometimes relationships can become unhealthy. But it’s not always easy to tell. There are some red flags, or warning signs, that can help you understand if your relationship has become unhealthy. If you think your relationship might be unhealthy or you’re worried about your safety, reach out for support.

• Love Better has information about safe, positive, and equal relationships.
• Lovecreep has information about controlling behaviours in relationships.
• Are you OK, and its 24-hour helpline 0800 456 450, provides advice and support for people in unsafe relationships. 

Download or order a printed copy of our This isn't love pamphlet.