Take pride in your sexual wellbeing

As a member of the rainbow community, I find a lot of meaning in Pride. By definition, pride is the opposite of shame – and as part of the communications team at Sexual Wellbeing Aotearoa, shame is something I think about a lot. Shame is what keeps many people from seeking essential sexual health services, and shame is also what keeps many members of my community from living authentically. Breaking down these barriers is something I care deeply about, and I’m grateful that my mahi allows me to contribute to this.

Although I know Pride has its roots in protest, since I came out, I’ve been fortunate enough to experience these events mostly as celebrations. This year, things feel different. Watching regressive policies unfold overseas and seeing violence and violent anti-LGBTQIA+ rhetoric intensify closer to home is unsettling to say the least.

Still, my community and I will celebrate. I see Pride as more than a parade or a party, or any singular event – I see it as an act of resistance against shame. 

Embracing sexuality – and rejecting shame

During the launch of Sexual Wellbeing Aotearoa’s Emotional Support Bits campaign, we found that shame is a key reason many Kiwis struggle to talk about their sexual wellbeing. Unfortunately, we live in a society that still treats sex and sexual health as embarrassing. Shame should never be a barrier to STI checks, cervical screening, or open conversations about sexual health and wellbeing, but too often, it is.

For people like me, with diverse sexualities or genders, the shame around sex can be even more complex. Often, it can feel as though the word “sexuality” is used only to describe non-heterosexual, non-cisgender sexualities. That you are either “normal,” or you have a sexuality. Even as times change, some people will always associate LGBTQ+ identities with sex – and not in a good way.

When I first came out, one of my biggest fears was that people, especially my family, would reduce my identity to what they perceived my sex life to be. That fear still lingers. Even now, even working where I do, living as proudly as possible, I can’t shake the fear that a medical professional may judge me for something as basic as getting an STI check.

And when groups like Destiny Church storm Pride events, call us perverted and deviant, reduce us to our sex lives, that fear grows.

Taking pride in your sexuality means saying, “That doesn’t matter. I’m going to take care of my wellbeing, no matter what they think.” 

Sexual wellbeing as self-care

Sexual wellbeing is just one part of our overall health, but it’s deeply connected to our mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. For this reason, I see openness and pride in your sexuality as a form of self-care. 

And while we all might struggle with shame, for gender and sexual minorities, accessing sexual health services can feel even more daunting. A transmasculine person in need of contraception may fear being invalidated by medical professionals. A bisexual person getting an STI test may worry about judgement or stereotypes. And in sex-positive communities, there are other concerns – like shouldn’t I “know better” than to feel shame by now?

Here at Sexual Wellbeing Aotearoa, we follow best clinical practice and strive to create a judgement free environment. While gender-affirming treatment and PrEP are currently outside the scope of our services, the sexual and reproductive health care we provide is for everyone, regardless of gender or sexuality.

If you’re a trans man who has sex with men and needs emergency contraception, you can access it through us. If you’re a gender minority in need of cervical screening, our clinics are safe spaces to access that care. If you have multiple partners and want an STI test, our clinicians won’t make assumptions. If you need information about how to have safe sex in a same-sex relationship, we can help with that too.

To me, Pride is about empowerment, self-care, and claiming our right to thrive in all areas. Sexual wellbeing is something we all deserve to take pride in.

– Anonymous