Talking to my ten-year-old about periods

It started with me. Since a young age, I’ve been talking to my kids about what was happening to my body, what I was feeling, and why.

They would often come into the bathroom while I was there. And this was an excellent opportunity to talk about what menstrual blood is and what the different period products are to manage it.

The great thing about a regular period is that there’s a monthly reminder to have a conversation. And while we don’t talk about it every month, a quick question and answer is enough:

“Do you have your period Mum?”

“I do!”

“K”.

One of my kids asked what was in the menstrual blood. I gave what I thought was an age-appropriate answer “it’s a mixture of blood and tissue”. They GAWKED and they yelled “how does tissue get up there?!”. I thought “uterus lining” was a bit too advanced, but we got there in the end.

I want my tamariki to feel okay about asking questions, bumbling, and laughing at ourselves.

In our whānau, rather than using nicknames for body parts, we use the correct anatomical names. This includes words like vulva, vagina, urethra, and uterus. And because we’ve normalised them, my kids know exactly what we’re talking about.

This makes explaining what’s happening to our body easier and more precise, with less room for misunderstanding.

We also use the correct names because it’s protective. Evidence shows that using the right names for reproductive body parts reduces the likelihood of sexual violence.

It’s important that periods aren’t seen as something that can only be whispered about among girls or women.

We want our children to have peer support, to ask each other questions, share information, and care for each other. And we show this by encouraging them to talk to each other, to their friends, and to both parents. For my kids, their dad is often part of the conversation. He gets many questions he doesn’t know the answer to, and he commits to finding the answers with them. He does this for many reasons, including:

• Making sure the kids know he’s a safe adult, and they can ask questions about their bodies

• Showing that men can be a part of the conversation about menstruation

• Showing that it’s ok to not know the answers, and to find them together

We asked what they knew about periods. This helped understand what they knew already and work from there.

Asking what they wanted to know was pure gold. We gave them some pens, paper, and privacy and asked them to write all their questions about periods down. What came back was things like:

• What is discharge?

• Do I HAVE to have a period?

• Why do I have to have a period?

We talked about the many big changes that happen in puberty and how they connect to our whole being. This helped us put periods into the bigger picture. We talked about pimples, hair growth, breast-buds, erections (a lot of squealing, and aghast looks at this one), the need for friends, and hormones.

We explained the names and functions of the different body parts, using the correct terms. And we explained the different parts of menstruation. This included talking about how the egg is released and matures and moves down towards the uterus, and the uterus lining shedding.

We also showed the male reproductive system – but went into much less detail. There was a lot of squealing and burying their heads in pillows at this point!

Each mother shared stories of their first period and what the first few years were like. Our children heard how it’s different for everyone, and they learned how talking about what’s happening with our bodies can really help.

All the mothers in the room felt they talked about periods a lot, yet were surprised how much our children didn’t know. The party helped cement some information and make it seem less scary. It’s also meant that these four friends know they can turn to each other with questions and care.