Risks and harms
The risks and harms of rough sex to hauora (wellbeing).
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When rough sex occurs outside a safe, informed, and fully consensual context, it can result in a range of risks and harms.
These harms may be immediate and/or long-term, can occur with and without physical injury, and may occur even when consent was given.
The context in which rough sex occurs is critical to how it's experienced. Factors such as power, age, and gender dynamics; prior agreement; the presence or absence of coercion, force, and fear, trust, care and communication; social context and the ability to withdraw consent can all shape a young person’s experience of rough sex.
Harm is more likely when rough sex is unwanted, unexpected, frightening, and when a young person feels unable to stop what is happening.
Impacts on hauora
There are a wide range of impacts that harmful rough sex can have on a person’s wellbeing, which can be understood through the concept of "hauora". "Hauora" is embedded in Te Ao Māori and offers a holistic approach to understanding wellbeing, which encompasses four interconnected areas: tinana (physical), hinengaro (emotional), wairua (spiritual), and whānau (social).
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Taha tinana – physical wellbeing
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Rough sex can cause a range of physical harms from acts such as forceful, repeated, or rough vaginal, oral, or anal sex; genital, facial, or head slapping; punching or other forceful blows; anal fisting; smothering or blocking the airways; and aggressive oral sex or gagging.
Injuries can include genital and anal tears; musculoskeletal and internal abdominal injuries; bruising and bite marks; and head and facial injuries. Longer term harms can include ongoing genital, musculoskeletal, or pelvic pain; pain during or after sex; and internal scarring and functional impairment.
Sexual strangulation during rough sex can cause headaches, neck pain, bruising, bloodshot eyes, tinnitus, voice changes, loss of consciousness, and neurological injury, and carries a risk of serious injury or death.
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Taha hinengaro – emotional wellbeing
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Rough sex that is unwanted, unexpected, frightening, painful, and/or causes injury, can cause significant emotional harm. This includes feelings of distress, shame, degradation, dehumanisation, triggering, or broader distress and trauma symptoms.
Frequent sexual choking/strangulation can be linked with ongoing anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Emotional harm may also be compounded where experiences are minimised, trivialised, normalised, or difficult to verbalise.
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Taha wairua – spiritual wellbeing
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Experiences of rough sex may not sit well with some people’s personal or cultural beliefs about sex and relationships, or with the spiritual or whānau values that are important to them. This can affect their sense of dignity, mana, confidence, spiritual wellbeing and/or self-identity.
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Taha whānau - social wellbeing
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Unwanted and harmful rough sex can impact a person’s sense of trust, safety, connection, and security in relationships with partners, whānau, and the broader community.
There may also be legal implications for the person leading rough sex if it occurs without specific consent and without an honest belief that their sexual partner consented to it. The relevant laws that may apply to unwanted sexual encounters can be found on the NZ Police website.
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Next: Consent, harm recognition, and help-seekingNext page